i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
