Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
