just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
