hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
