sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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