Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
