You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
