you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
