I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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