Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
