Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
