OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
