Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
