i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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