i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
