I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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