New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
