no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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