420 ftw
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
