i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
