she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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