Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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