I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
