My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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