I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
