My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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