kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
