I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
