i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
