I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
MIDGETS
????
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
