We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
