I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
