you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
