I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
