Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
