That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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