listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
