I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
