Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
