A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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