i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
