Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
