Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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