I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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