OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
