I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
