You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
