the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
only if we run a train.
done.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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