Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
