Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
