Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
