you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
