I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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