A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
